Quintessentialist

Working on college application essays. One school requested that I write about a zombie apocalypse (let me just say here, I love this college) - here’s my opening paragraph:

It was all over the news - like an epidemic the word had spread, plaguing the world’s swiftly beating hearts and troubled thoughts with a horror, that until this day, had remained unbeknownst to mankind. An apocalypse, the newscaster stuttered, driven by intellectual dilution and downright stupidity, had dawned, and spurred with it a race of terrifying, mindless creatures  - a species so primal they were rendered speechless, thoughtless, and consumed with a hunger for conformity. These creatures, screeched the newscaster, were none other than the monstrous beasts known as flesh-eating, mind-gobbling zombies.